Paws-itively terrible animal puns that will make the whole zoo groan. That's 43 jokes of pure dad energy.
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
Because they're shellfish.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What's a cat's favorite color?
Purr-ple.
Why did the dog sit in the shade?
Because he didn't want to be a hot dog.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
How do bees get to school?
On the school buzz.
What do you call an owl that does magic tricks?
Hoo-dini.
Why don't ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they'd quack up.
What did the horse say when it tripped?
Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!
What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
A boa constructor.
What's a frog's favorite type of shoes?
Open-toad.
What do you call a crab that plays baseball?
A pinch hitter.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Why do seals swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meow-ntain.
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What's a cat's favorite dessert?
Mice cream.
Why did the cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.
What do you call a cat that works at a hospital?
A purr-fessional.
How do cats end a fight?
They hiss and make up.
Why is everyone so excited about the cat's new job?
Because it's feline good.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the barking lot.
What kind of dog loves surround sound?
A subwoofer.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it's too hard to run in squares.
What's a dog's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE.
How did the puppy feel after finishing its homework?
Ruff.
Why did the dachshund sit by the fire?
It was a cold dog.
What breed of dog can jump higher than a house?
Any breed — houses can't jump.