Rapid-fire one-liners. Mic drop optional, groan guaranteed. That's 41 jokes of pure dad energy.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down.
I used to hate facial hair.
Then it grew on me.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
I'd tell you a construction joke...
...but I'm still working on it.
I know a lot of jokes about retired people.
Sadly, none of them work.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from an online store.
I'll let you know.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine — he woke up.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg'?
Because every play has a cast.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.
Dear algebra,
Stop asking us to find your X. She's never coming back — and don't ask Y.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
I asked my dog what's two minus two.
He said nothing.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Why did the two 4s skip dinner?
They already 8.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
Ouch.
Why did the man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
I'm terrified of elevators.
So I'm taking steps to avoid them.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
What's a nap's favorite kind of movie?
A sleeper hit.
Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
It was feeling down.
Why are blankets so good at ending arguments?
They know how to wrap things up.
I'm great at sleeping.
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Why was everyone so tired on the morning of April 1st?
They'd just finished a 31-day March.